If you’re sick and tired of traditional martial artists and their idiotic concepts of “honor” and “training,” then I’ve got just the book for you. It’s called Drunken Wolverine Ninja Kung-fu, and it contains far more racial slurs than you might imagine. It also reveals the deadly secrets of street fighting, including:

• Weaponized accessories
• Go totally nuts and freak out
• Become the dhampir, the walker between worlds
• Homemade nunchucks
• Have your mom threaten to call the media
• Just do whatever will help you win
• Have a gun and use it

You can read all about it at 1-900 HOT DOG. But beware…