Hey, glad you could make it. Turns out the rest of the crew couldn’t be here, though. Yeah, Jessie’s got a stomach thing, Kareem’s dogsitting, and Dave got grabbed by ICE. It’s cool, though. I picked up this new one-shot game we can play instead of our regular campaign. I know, I really wanted to see how the party dealt with the Sex Gnomes of the Underfuck too. Hopefully we can bust Dave out next week. But for now, let’s try Zolar: The Official Roleplaying Game!

You remember Zolar, right? The made-for-TV movie? Maybe you didn’t see it. I think it only ever aired once on Canadian television in 2004. It might have been one of those tax things you hear about. But don’t worry, you’ll pick it up as you go. I’ll be the Game Master, and you’ll be Zolar. Here’s your character sheet.

As Zolar, you have three stats: FRIENDS, SKATE, and BLUE. You’ll use these to overcome the various challenges set out before you. For each point, you roll one Official Zolar: The Extreme Sports Movie: The Roleplaying Game die. Each Zolar face represents a success, while other characters are failures. If all three stats are reduced to zero, you fail in your quest. Ready? Let’s get started! Or, as Zolar might say, blueyeah! That’s one of his catchphrases.

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